Do I know me anymore?...

I can't help the feeling that I've lost part of myself at some point. This empty, hollow feeling keeps nagging at me and I can't figure out entirely how to fill it up. I think I've lost myself gradually over time. From the day I left the security of the school. It's like I've lost that silent resilience and confidence that I carried wherever I went not that long ago. These days, I feel like a wimp. Every word, ever action has to be calculated down to the very last bit, just to ensure that I don't step on any toes. I guess a large part of it is due to the fact that I'm at the age where I'm too young to be taken that seriously and yet I'm trying hard to prove my ability.

The past half a year hasn't helped at all. If anything, I'm feeling emptier than ever before and I don't know who to turn to anymore. No, I'm not lacking activites. If anything, I've been too good at keeping my life packed with activities - intensive exercise, dinners, drinking, movies, hanging out till the wee hours of the morning. And yet, at the end of it, when I make my way home, the emptiness seems stronger than ever before. Maybe it's the contrast between the loud activities to the quiet alone times. Even then, these activities just fly past me like fleeting scenes in a movie.

"When was the last time you truly felt happy," Cyn asked me that day. "I can't recall," was the only reply I could give.