Lost...

It's taken a while, but there's no escaping this anymore.

I'm lost... Why is it so hard for me to admit this. That shoulder that has accompanied me through difficult times in the past, the sillyness and banter that have often lifted the corners of my mouth into the silliest of grins, and the moments when nothing needs to be said and presence is all that's essential; these I fear I might lose forever.

The extra bits that came with it before, I'll take just the memory if I have to. I already am doing that. But I can't lose that connection called friendship. Is it just me who still holds this close to my heart, or do you do so as well?...

The past saw bad memories being created - so many of which spawned from the need for deliberate distance in order to prevent further pain. There's no need for that anymore - that deliberate distance. Contrary to what many think, I've not been lying to myself. You've told me what you want, and I promised to meet you halfway. But at some point you have to meet me halfway too. I think I deserve that. You are still my best friend, and I truly wish I still am yours.

I'm not intentionally being emo about it all, but I do need to let this out. I need to move forward, but moving forward doesn't mean forgetting everything or being intentionally indifferent about them. At least for me, it's about accepting reality and making the best out of it. I'll take that bit of sadness, if it means that I don't have to lose a part of me, which you are, of course.

Does this make any sense at all? I hope it does, and I hope the feeling of not wanting to lose a special friendship is mutual. Till I hear from you again. Love, Rae.