20th February '07... Of All Days...

Perhaps it's partly this incessant flu that refuses to leave me alone; perhaps it's the warm sticky weather that's surrounding me. To put it simply, it's just been an upsetting day. It wasn't supposed to be like that. Not on this day. Of all days, not on this day...

It didn't start off that way. I woke up great... really really great. Things just went awry as the day progressed.

It's circumstances that makes everything seem wrong. I hate myself for having no control over my emotions. I hate that I care too much. There are times when I wonder if things might be better if I put it all behind me. But I know that at the end of the day, I'll regret making that decision; I know that it's the emotions getting the better of me. Why can't circumstances work in my favour instead?..

I shouldn't be writing this entry, but I need to let it out. I can't do it openly, and this is my only outlet. Would I be too demanding to ask for more consideration for how I feel? Yes, I think it would be. I know I'd rather not be lied to. Finding that things have been hidden from me, or that I've been lied to hurts much more. The irony of it is that I almost always manage to find out when I've been lied to.

Tell me what to do... Tell me how I can detach myself, just enough that I don't let my emotions get the better of me. Tell me before I lose the one thing that means more to me than anything in this world...