A Cruel Cruel Joke...

I hate you.... I really do... It's funny how you can care so much despite hating a person. But hey, I guess it does come hand-in-hand, doesn't it. You can't hate if you don't feel in the first place.

It took one year.. One fucking year before you decided this?! Couldn't you have told me a bloody year ago?! You made me go through all of that for a year before you decided that, oh you've had enough. Decided you can't do this and you need to just cut it loose. Worse yet, I had to dig that out of you instead of you voluntarily telling me.

Do you have any idea how painful it's been? Sometimes I think I can take a hundred stabs and I couldn't possibly feel this much pain.

Right now I don't even know if I'm more in pain or am I more pissed off. It fluctuates back and forth, back and forth.... and it just goes on and on. I have every right to be angry. After all you've put me through, Damn right I should be pissed!

For one year I thought the problem was me. You bloody made me think that I was like some sensitive freak and doing everything that I shouldn't be doing. I know now it isn't. I took everything you threw my way. Every time I think that's it, you don't want to be friends anymore, then you come again and make it seem like nothing is wrong and it's just me being overly sensitive. Then it happens again and the next moment you're fine.

Nobody goes from caring so much at one point to not feeling anything at all. You don't do this to someone unless you either hate them or really dislike them. Yet, you say it's neither.

You'd like me to think that you don't really care. Doesn't matter to you anymore. You told me as much when you said you're quite the "jerk". Maybe you really don't care. Then again, I didn't spend 1 1/2 years and not know you at all. I can't understand why you think the way you do, but doesn't mean I don't know you.

Here's the truth, in case you don't already see it. You run. That's what you do. You sniff the very scent of having to deal with emotional baggage and boy do you run. Your way of dealing is not dealing at all. And you think it works best for you.

Maybe some day you're going to be at this very end of things, and you'll see what I see... You'll feel what I feel. Maybe then you'll see how terrible it is to do this to people who actually care about you enough to take all this crap and yet still end up being slapped in the face for it.

The wounds will heal in due time... But these scars will still be here...

So has this made you any happier?....