Where Do I Even Begin to End it?

I never meant for my first entry of the year to sound negative. But seems like I have no choice. It is the only way I can relieve myself from that which is weighing me down, albeit only slightly.
Anger management. That phrase sounds so so wrong. Wrong in a sense that it seems to reflect some mental issue. Anger is part and parcel of psychology. It is an issue, an issue that is of a natural kind. But still an issue that has to be handled delicately.
I suspect that I need help on anger management. I don't trash people, cause bodily harm to myself, or anything like that. No, nothing of that sort. But I seem to be battering my inner self with the anger within me.
I used to be able to keep the anger in control. But these days, keeping it in is such a battle. I try so very hard to keep it in. At the beginning of the problem, my anger is but minimal. I can keep it under wraps without much problem. Still smiling, and giving subtle hints to the person directly involved. But when my hints go unacknowleged, the anger builds. It just goes on burgeoning the more I keep mum about it. Unless I have something to distract me, words of anger would just resonate in my thoughts. Still, I would refrain myself from saying anything. But my inner self feels as if it is choking. The words are struggling to break free. Tears threaten to spill, though I manage to keep them in. My actions get faster and harder. My whole self reeks of the anger that I try so hard not to let out. My mind is screaming. The screaming gets so loud, it's deafening. But still I do not relent. At this point, only 4 things can calm me down:

1. Punching/breaking some object

2. physical pain (I once punched a wall, sending pain shooting up my knuckles; and bruises lasting me a week)

3. tears accompanied by fatigue (often than not, I am trying to hold back the tears)

4. some God-loving soul who makes me laugh, and shares my pain (how often does that happen?!)

For fuck's sake! Why do I kill myself in such a way?! Maybe because I want so much to be liked and loved by people. What kills me even more is knowing that the people who I love (friends, family etc) are talking behind my back and not to my face. Such actions only breeds contempt. Each person contributing their thoughts; pretty soon, I will face an angry mob, who were once my loved ones. Maybe I think too much, feel too much. But that is what makes me who I am. How can I change who I am? But I need to change something. What exactly do I have to change?!
Questions and more questions, but no answers! I don't know what to do! Stop pushing me! I don't fucking know!!! Leave me alone please..
Maybe I need a shrink. If only the idea of a shrink wasn't such a taboo thing in my society. Where do I even begin looking for one? How could I even go about looking for one, without having others see me as 'mental'. And another thing, where do I find that kind of money to pay for each session?.. My parents seem to think that therapy equals crazy equals mental institute (aka woodbridge hospital). So they are not an option for financial assistance.
It is eating away at my soul with each passing day. How much of this can I bear? When will this torment end?
Questions again, and still no answers. God help me.