Trapped in my own web of standards.
I feel so guilty for neglecting my blog page. But I really can't help it. Things have been hectic lately. Sometimes so bad that I feel as if I have been to hell and back again. I am up to my neck in projects. So much so that I have not even been able to set aside some time to catch up on the readings for each of my modules.
Group projects are viciously taxing. Often than not, I find myself wondering if the appetite tutors have for projects is just insatiable. It is through these projects that I have come to ponder on the question of whether I am actually anit-social by nature. I mix well with people on the normal basis, and I actively voice out my own opinions. However, I have this aversion for doing group projects. To me, the idea that group project means being able to share the workload, is a whole fucking lump of horse shit. I see it as either doing the same workload compared to an individual project, or probably even double that.
You see my point?! Here I go again ranting about group projects. It's no wonder that I believe myself to be anti-social. But honestly that's the way I feel. Was having coffee with Atticus and Sol, and this same conversation was brought up. And I am relieved to find that they actually do feel the same way I do too. They may not feel as strongly about it as I do, but it is somewhat of a comfort to know that I am, at least, close to normal.
I admit that I am too much of a perfectionist. Damnation. Time and time again I find myself trapped in my own draconian standards. I can't help it.. The situation is such that that standards I set are those that can and have already been achieved, hence I tend to feel that there should be no excuse for anything less. ANything less would be deemed as sloppy work, to me.
I need to change this attitude. Otherwise, I would only make myself, and others, miserable. But what are the consequences if I were to become less stringent in the standards I require. Would it cause more harm than good? Will this undermine the quality that comes out of it? Such questions I cannot answer. How can I when I cannot predict the future. This plight is what constantly hounds me. Blessed hell.
Group projects are viciously taxing. Often than not, I find myself wondering if the appetite tutors have for projects is just insatiable. It is through these projects that I have come to ponder on the question of whether I am actually anit-social by nature. I mix well with people on the normal basis, and I actively voice out my own opinions. However, I have this aversion for doing group projects. To me, the idea that group project means being able to share the workload, is a whole fucking lump of horse shit. I see it as either doing the same workload compared to an individual project, or probably even double that.
You see my point?! Here I go again ranting about group projects. It's no wonder that I believe myself to be anti-social. But honestly that's the way I feel. Was having coffee with Atticus and Sol, and this same conversation was brought up. And I am relieved to find that they actually do feel the same way I do too. They may not feel as strongly about it as I do, but it is somewhat of a comfort to know that I am, at least, close to normal.
I admit that I am too much of a perfectionist. Damnation. Time and time again I find myself trapped in my own draconian standards. I can't help it.. The situation is such that that standards I set are those that can and have already been achieved, hence I tend to feel that there should be no excuse for anything less. ANything less would be deemed as sloppy work, to me.
I need to change this attitude. Otherwise, I would only make myself, and others, miserable. But what are the consequences if I were to become less stringent in the standards I require. Would it cause more harm than good? Will this undermine the quality that comes out of it? Such questions I cannot answer. How can I when I cannot predict the future. This plight is what constantly hounds me. Blessed hell.
posted by Raelin at Monday, September 27, 2004
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