Do Unto Others What You Want Others to do Unto You

See that phrase up there? The one that's supposed to be the title for this entry? Yeah that's the one. That phrase is a whole bunch of bull! Look around you! Do you see any sign of it at all?! DO you really think that this phrase really works in reality? I used to think it could really work. Now, I don't know anymore.
After all that has happened, you'd think that I would be smarter; that I would finally learn that there is no such thing. But no.. I had to fall into that trap all over again.
Some people live their lives never having to worry about it. Why? Cos everyone always wants to do something for these people. There is just something about them; something that I would never possess. It has always been like this. At the start of it, they are always so nice; always doing things for me; reading my thoughts with the subtlest of hints. Then there always comes a point where it stops. There comes a point where people do not find the need to 'pamper' me anymore. Try as I may, I never know why. Is it because I portray an image that is too strong, too independent? For fucks sake! What the hell is it?! Someone please enlighten me. You all think you know me so well. You think, "oh that Raelin has such a strong head on her shoulders." "Oh that Raelin is such an independent person. She doesn't need that attention or assurance."
Gosh people.. You really do not know me at all. ANYONE who has ever thought so, you don't know me at all.

I have never known anyone as insecure about themselves, as I am.
I have never known anyone so in need for attention, as I am.
I have never known anyone who yearns so much for recognition, as I am.
I have never known anyone so critical of themselves, as I am.
I have never known anyone who wants so much to be part of a group, as I am.

I bet you never knew huh?.. No one. Not one person has ever seen that in me. I wonder why...
I always find myself in a situation where I want someone to do something for me so so bad, and yet I cannot bring myself to ask for it. Even if I do, I do so in the form of hints. Mind you, they're not really that subtle. But often people feign ignorance. Do you think I would be so thick-skinned to try asking again?!.. No.. I wouldn't.
I loath the way human nature works. Don't you realise that the longer you have known someone, the more they take things for granted when it comes to you? Hah.. People always think that because they have known someone for so long, the other party would not mind of they failed to do that one thing for them. Anyway, you have been friends for so long. You can make it up to them any other time.
The truth is once that moment is gone, you can never go back to mend it again. NEVER. I prefer to live in the moment. At least I used to prefer living in the moment. I used to think that doing something extra for a friend would make them feel special; make them feel loved. And that they will know that I care for them. But I never get the same treatment back. The more I yearn for it, the more I do not get it.
Maybe that's what sparked the end of things then. I just kept it all inside. I never wanted to say a thing about it. Part of me worried about what they would think of me. Would they think that I was being too demanding? Would they think that I was fretting over the smallest of things? But don't you know that it is the smallest of details that tells someone how much you care about them? Don't you know?...
Another part of me felt that there should not be a need for me to say it at all. If I cared so much to be upset, in my mind I treat you as a really close friend. In my mind I believe that you should know me well enough; you should know that what I ask of you is something I would do for you. Something I would do for you even without you asking me to. But I hint, and I hint. Still you feign that 'Ignorance'. The hurt I feel. It is eating away at me, bit by bit.
I should not get emotionally involved; I should not get close to people. That way, I would not care; I would not have any expectations; and I would not hurt anymore. Maybe that is the only way to survive.